Last night, I read an expanded version of my short vignette “Pheromones and Fornication” at an author’s event in Denver. The theme of the evening was “heat” – and I made sure to significantly raise the temperature level in that room.

Pheromones and Fornication

There is something invigorating and remarkable about going for a walk, waiting for a latte, browsing through a bookstore, even pushing a grocery cart down the aisle and feeling an inexplicable aura of sexual energy emanating from me, prickling my skin, exuding from my pores like steam rising from a radiator.

Moist. Sizzling. Persistent.

A luminous, palpable heat that glides through the air in waves, enveloping unsuspecting passersby in a blanket of pheromones.

A second glance, a lingering gaze, a brief locking of our eyes, and he is entranced.

Unconsciously drawn into my intricate, mysterious web of seduction.

Wordless flirtations dance in the air between us, expressing all that is silently implied.

A mere few seconds of unspoken innuendos and the world is transformed into a temporary landscape, occupied by only two people:

Me… him… and the smallest fraction of a possibility for fornication that will never come to fruition but which feels enticingly delicious to consider.

Sometimes, if this passerby and I are standing close enough, the sexual energy resonates between our untouched flesh like invisible currents, causing the hair at the nape of my neck to tingle with static electricity.

Even, occasionally, triggering moistness to gather between my thighs.

I am ripe for the picking…

Ready to be plucked…

Savored…

Devoured.

And although the moment is fleeting, the experience leaves me vitalized.

Animated.

Alive in my own skin.

It is a reminder of my abundant femininity.

My female prowess.

My deep, sensual spirit.

And as I walk away from my spellbound passerby with my cup of coffee, my new book, my cart full of groceries, I am aglow, resplendent, in glorious harmony with the inner seductress traveling through my veins.

Photos courtesy of P. Illig and M.B. Lewis

In this first Enchanted Zaftig blog post of 2015, I have no intention of going into a lengthy dialogue of what my personal resolutions are – not because I don’t believe in them, but because I think every day should incorporate the same resolution: make each day the best damn day it can be.

No matter how earnest you may be in the beginning, when you make New Year’s resolutions and don’t follow-through with them, you’re left with heavy disappointment and a sense of failure. To some degree, you may even experience self-loathing.

In my opinion, life is too short for that kind of negative thinking.

It’s absolutely crucial to have personal goals, and to pursue activities, friendships, studies, travels and cultural experiences that will further nurture our all-too-short time together on this earth. But to admonish yourself for not getting to the gym twice a week or not losing those extra pounds you gained at Christmas or not saving enough money to buy that certain something you’ve been wanting is contrary to living a harmonious life. Inner conflict robs us of a peaceful existence and affects our relationships with others.

When New Year’s Eve rolls around every 365 days, I find myself not drumming up resolutions, but rather reflecting on the activities of the past year – not for what I didn’t accomplish, but for what I did.

For instance, in 2014, I

• celebrated my 8th-year work anniversary and further expanded my position there, which I have continued to do every year since I started.
• applied at a local community college to begin taking courses that will supplement my knowledge of business administration and marketing.
• continued to nurture my relationship with my teenage son, encouraging his personal interests, keeping him on track academically (which can be a challenge) and being a present and caring parent.
• dove even deeper into a loving, fulfilling relationship with a man who possesses everything I could hope for in a life partner, including intellect, compassion, good looks, artistic abilities, strong sexual appetites and the propensity to treat me like a queen.
• purchased a 1997 mint-condition Mercedes Benz C-class sedan (granted, this may seem trivial, but it is, in fact, the first car I have ever owned that was not a hand-me-down vehicle or a get-me-by clunker, and that brings me joy.)
• participated in an authors’ reading event to help raise funds for a friend’s fight against invasive breast cancer, which was nothing short of inspiring.
• obtained a Certificate of Ministry in order to officiate my brother’s wedding, for which I also penned the ceremony script; it was a beautiful day.
• added to my personal art collection, including the purchase of “Gratitude”, a bronze sculpture by Adam Schultz, which exemplifies how I’ve felt all year.
• created The Zaftig Papers, an online platform where I am able to share some of my more obscure and spicy writings, in conjunction with the Enchanted Zaftig website.
• stayed connected with friends, both near and far, and made some new friendships along the way.
• enriched (hopefully) and inspired those who have seen or read Enchanted Zaftig content via the internet or in person.
• continued to encourage everyone to Embrace Your Curves and love yourself where you are.

Although not all major accomplishments, these points exist to remind me of what I contributed to 2014 – to my own life, as well as to the lives of others. Even the pitfalls come back into focus. Reflecting on moments of tragedy, conflict and struggle, whether personal or worldly, allow for progressive healing and growth. “Challenges are what make life interesting, and overcoming them is what makes life meaningful.” ~ Joshua J. Marine

My personal mantra for 2015 will continue to be the same mantra I’ve held since 2010, when I finally broke free from my shell and came into my own:

“Strive to live an extraordinary life, even through ordinary circumstances.”

Additionally, I’m going to make each day the best damn day it can be.

Happy New Year to you all.

Oil on canvas 48×48″
2014 Peter Illig

Last Spring, a friend brought to my attention the existence of a photography project called I Woke Up Like This and suggested that I consider participating in it. Conducting some research, I learned that the mission of the project is to remove criticism from the perception of our bodies by witnessing the vulnerability, beauty and imperfections of other bodies. As a social experiment, the project strives to weave individual stories with the narratives of these photographs, connecting viewers and participants on a mutual journey to find empathy, self-awareness and self-love.

I was happy to discover that Jillian Powers, the project’s creator, was traveling to Denver to meet participants who were willing to strip naked and expose their most vulnerable selves, sans makeup or fancy hairdos, for the camera. Of course, I immediately expressed my interest. A chance to further the fat-positive cause AND be a part of a social project pioneered by an award-winning portrait photographer? Yes, please! Where do I sign up?

I knew that by participating, it would mean removing all of my clothing in front of strangers. I also knew that there would be conversations surrounding body image and self-esteem. What I didn’t anticipate from the experience was having to face my own vulnerability; I am imperfect, I am fat, I am covered in stretch marks and cellulite and dimpled body parts. Being stark naked in a photo shoot with doors and windows wide open and strangers nearby managed to push a few unexpected insecurities to the surface.

Yet, despite those fleeting thoughts of self-doubt, I remained positive and uplifted. I gleaned something extremely valuable from that afternoon spent in front of Jillian’s professional camera lens: the realization that I am, without apology, a perfectly imperfect human being. Every single one of us is. And it’s crucial, absolutely crucial, that we remember that.

For more information on I Woke Up Like This or to participate in the project, visit http://www.iwultproject.com/join-the-movement/